I turned my little daughter’s ashes into stones after she died

I turned my little daughter’s ashes into stones after she died

Kylie Massey and her family.
Kylie Massey

  • Kylie Massey’s youngest daughter, Poppy, was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder when she was nine months old.
  • Bobby died when he was 15 months old after being hospitalized with an infection.
  • After the funeral, Kylie and her husband Jake decided to turn Bobby’s ashes into stones that they could keep at home.

This article is based on a conversation with Kylie Massey, who runs… Tik Tok account Dedicated to her daughter. She posts about her life as a mother and shares her journey of dealing with grief. This article has been edited for length and clarity.

When our daughter Poppy was born in February 2022, we had no idea anything was wrong with her brain.

With my husband, Jake, and our two older children, Rosie, 8, and Peter, 6, we were the perfect little family of five for a few months.

But after about three or four months, we noticed that Bobby’s vision was not developing properly. She was unable to make eye contact or reach for toys.

Rosie, Peter and Poppy.
Kylie Massey

The eye doctor couldn’t tell us what was causing the problem. We just thought she’d make adorable little baby glasses, that’s all.

After several doctor’s appointments, we decided to get her an MRI and genetic testing. The test results were devastating: Bobbi had tuberculosis, a rare and severe genetic disorder that affected her brain and spinal cord.

We are told that their life expectancy is between three and five years.

But my husband and I are optimistic people

We told ourselves that we would give her the best care and that we would be able to get through this as a family. We thought it would easily reach the five-year mark, or even longer.

What kept us afloat was just our daily busyness. There wasn’t much time to destroy because we were moving forward.

In late April, we brought Bobbie to the hospital because we noticed some blood in her feeding tube. Doctors found some spots of pneumonia in her lungs, and she continued to have fever and seizures.

The medical team took great care of her. We did not expect her condition to deteriorate so quickly.

On our fourth night in the hospital, the medical team suggested moving Bobby to the pediatric intensive care unit. When she was taken to her new room, her eyes suddenly looked at us.

I remember saying something like, “Oh, Bobby, you’re awake.” Then her heart just stopped.

The entire room was thrown into chaos. I felt like my vision had almost disappeared, and the room was spinning around me in slow motion as they tried to revive our daughter. It was so painful to watch.

They restored her heartbeat, but her brain was without oxygen for an extended period of time. She was at the point where she was no longer experiencing any kind of quality of life.

We are so grateful to her doctors who immediately began forming a care plan, but we already knew it would be Poppy’s last day.

Rosie and Peter came to the hospital that day. Our parents came too. We had the opportunity to say goodbye as a family, which I will always be grateful for.

The hardest thing in the whole world was having to be away from her body in the hospital, so we knew we wanted Poppy’s remains with us at home.

We decided to press her ashes onto the stones

When we were looking through the funeral home catalog, this option stood out to us because we were concerned about having an urn in the house.

We didn’t want our children to associate the fear of breaking something with being close to their sister. We also didn’t want them to feel like there was a shrine they couldn’t interact with.

But these stones are basically unbreakable. And in the future, if we wanted to, we could even take a stone with us wherever we went.

The whole process took about three months. It was an emotional day when her remains returned to our home.

The poppy ash produced about 12 small white stones with yellow spots.
Kylie Massey

What surprised us was the small number of stones: Bobby’s ashes produced about 12 stones of different sizes, and they were all very small.

They say they don’t add anything to the ash, but when we opened the box, we noticed these little flecks of yellow mixed in with the white stone. I don’t know what they are, but these little yellow spots make me smile every time I see them.

We kept the rocks in the box they came in and placed the box on Bobby’s swing in our kitchen. She was where she was when she wasn’t in our arms.

We kept the rocks in the box they came in and placed the box on Bobby’s swing in our kitchen.
Kylie Massey

It was a beautiful thing for our family

It’s a way to free up space for Poppy in our house. Children are not afraid of stones.

We’ve been honest with them about cremating Bobby’s body, and they both understand that these stones are compressed ashes.

The kids don’t play with them, but Peter will take them out more than Rosie. He’ll pick one up and walk around for a few minutes. When he’s finished, he’ll put the stone back in the bag and close the box.

I think the stones helped me with my grief too.

We spent 15 months of Poppy’s life working hard to protect her. Obviously we’ll choose to do this forever, but it looks like we can rest easy with Bobby for now.

A lot was changing very quickly when she was alive, but the stones feel permanent, and there is something symbolic about that.

Steady as a rock, this gives me a lot of comfort.

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