I am not sure if it’s because I was recalling memories of some ,not so kind things my Father did to me while I was growing up yesterday. Or the fact that my son sent me this picture of my Granddaughter last night. Or if it was the perfect storm of the timing of them both.
Simply titled: Having a fire with Dad.
Whatever it is or was, my first thought when I looked at the picture was how simply joyful my Grandaughter looks in it. Just her and her Dad on a Friday night, while Mom and her little sister were inside the house, watching Tv, or sleeping.
My son and his oldest daughter stole this moment in time for them.
They stole it just two days before she will have a brand new little brother that will no doubt steal time from her and her Daddy.
My thoughts this morning while looking at it again were how proud I am of my son and the Father he is.
And then I wondered how utterly different my life could have turned out , had I had one or two moments like that with my Dad when I was growing up.
I wonder if I would have lived a bit more outside the lines of control that I place myself in now, had I felt safe and secure in the space I used up in this world.
I hope she does.
I wonder if I would have not been so worried about how “perfect” I had to be, or portray myself in relationships in order to feel worthy to a man.
I hope she doesn’t worry about that.
I wonder if I would have had more success in my marriages , understanding that I was worthy of love.
I hope she does.
I know I would have a few moments to look back at and hold close to my heart, moments that were just between him and I . Without the outside world.
I am so happy she will have those.
I think that is the beauty of carrying on despite of where you have been , or what your afraid of might happen again.
Hope that one day when your 52 years old and a picture like this makes it’s way to your cell phone on a Friday night. You will sigh , then smile. You will be filled with relief and joy ,that your son is not anything like your Father was, and your Grandaughter will have all the beautiful gifts you didn’t have in the relationship she has with her Daddy.
And your still here to witness the difference it will make.
Once upon a time I dreamed I would have this relationship with my Dad.
I am so happy she does.