Her name is Jeanne, I call her Mom

So, it’s official.  I have officially moved under the same roof as my Mother.
My darling, sweet, 74 year old , GOD HELP ME , Mother.

NOW, before any of you come back with the phrase ” cherish this time with her , because one day she will be gone.” UNLESS you have actually lived with your Mother as an adult, under the same roof, you are not allowed to say that.
There are days my heart is happy that I can try to give back to her some of what she has done for me my entire life, and then there are days I want to jump in my car and run away to Mexico.
crazy woman in car
I am not telling you anything I have not already told her…no worries. She gets it, for the most part.  In fact the other day when I told her, this just isn’t how I saw my life going down at 50, like EVER.   She said; ” I understand honey, I could have never lived with my parents at your age.”   I was like, seriously?  NOW you tell me that?  So, I could have just left you under a bridge somewhere and not felt guilty and you would have understood?
( Okay, under the bridge was for dramatics people).  I would have totally left her in a nursing home, a nice apartment building for seniors.
I figured I would tell you all now so I can share the many stories I am going to need to for comic relief when I can.
For starters last night when I got home:
Mom: So, when you have a minute can we sit down and talk about our budget.
Me: Ummm, ” Our budget?”
Mom: Well, I found the Excel bill in the garage for 10 days in May and it was $80.00! That means our electric bill will be close to $240.00 for a MONTH! So, I was thinking I would hand wash the dishes in lieu of using the dishwasher.
Me: Mom, it costs more money to hand wash dishes, it’s less sanitary and I am not about to regress to living back in the dark ages because you saw what you thought was a 10 day bill from Excel.

*There was a $20.00 one time charge for moving and a $18.00 carry over from my old place on the bill*

Making the true bill $42.00 for 10 days.

Mom: Well,you run the dishwasher when it’s half full
Me: AHA, the true reason- next your going to ask me to stop doing the laundry and not take showers. Perhaps I can find an old laundry board and scrub my knuckles to the bone in lieu of the washing machine?
Let’s just say this Mom, you use more electricity than I do, as your here all day an I am not. I use more water- we are even.
Mom: Do you think Excel could bill me separate?
Me: Mom, we live under the same roof, that is not how this works- you know unless Excel has people they can send out and follow us around all day to see who uses what and when and for how long.
that is not how this works
This picture was taken twenty years ago, she was my age then, 50.  You know, the year she said she would have never lived with her parents.
This picture perfectly sum us up.  Her afraid I will say something or do something to embarass her , me ….just waiting to do exactly that.

Love you Mom, even though I really didn’t want to live with you again.

me and mom

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