Recently a friend of mine came for a weekend visit. She was feeling on the edge of destruction. “Hanging by a thread” she said. About to do something drastic in her life. She wanted to run away , she couldn’t take it anymore. Frazzled, strung out, stretched to thin, on the edge of a cliff, wondering if she should hang on or let go.
I totally related! I had felt this same way almost my entire life.
I was tired of trying to please everyone for the sake of being ” the good girl.” I was stuffing my own emotions’ for the sake of peace and harmony’, of course everyone else’s peace and harmony and never my own. I was trying to hold everything and everyone together, and in the process I was falling apart.
I knew I had to do something drastic. Something to change my life. I needed balance, I needed a way to re-fill my empty gas tank.
Yes, Yes I was.
One night , like many, I went for a walk and I had an Ah HA moment! I had a visual of how I could make my life my best life.
It started with a pie. That’s right, a pie! I picked Cherry, but you can pick whatever flavor you want. Just be sure to pick your favorite.
Remember this saying: My life is a pie.
Now, Divide it in to the things, and the people who will give you your best life. The things and the people that fill your empty gas tank back up . Figure out the pieces of your pie that are most important to you and give only to them. Pick the people you respect and love. The people and things that you want to give your best self to. They get your time and your energy. Your love and commitment. They are your priority.
You know what happens when you start letting everyone in to your pie? You take away from the best. You let in the nay sayers, the negative nancy’s, the life suckers. The ones that bring you angst. The ones that make you feel anxious and depressed. The ones that clearly and always empty your tank. You end up giving 3/4 of your pie to the people who don’t have your best interest at heart. That leaves you with 1/4 of your pie left to spread out between the best people in your life. You damage and deplete from the best you have and empty it on the worst.
Stop trying to please everyone, you never ever will. Stop spreading yourself so thin for the same things and people who suck the joy from your life. Chances are they have been doing it for a long time already and it’s not going to change. They will never be good for you. Pick them up and toss them out now.
Give that piece to someone worthy.
You may leave one piece of the pie left open for a relationship, or something else that needs to be worked on. Only one piece though. You can fill that slice up with a couple of people if you want and give equally to them, but you may not keep them there forever.
My pie looks like this: 8 nice size slices of cherry pie.
(And have no doubt, this pie will fill me up)
Slice one: My Granddaughters , My son and his wife
They get a slice of my pie because they fill me up. They bring me joy. They accept me for exactly who I am. Whatever I give to them, I get back emotionally, two-fold. Honestly one day with those baby girls can fill me up for weeks!
Slice two: My job
It gets a whole slice, not because I love my job…I wish I did, but I don’t. So I give to i because of what it gives to me. All the things I need to be self-sufficient and independent in my life. All the things that I need and want monetarily.
*You on the other hand may love your job and so, you should give it the appropriate amount of slices in your life, it’s your pie. Not mine.*
Slice three: My Mother
She gets an entire slice of my pie right now, because she needs it. And even though our relationship has changed drastically over the past few years, with me giving more than I get from her. She has an overflowing reserve that I draw from . She has filled me up and overflowed her personal bank with me for years. I am pretty sure she will never withdraw more than she has deposited in her lifetime or mine.
Slice Four and Five: My friends and family members
Yes, they get two slices right now in my life. In these two slices are about seven great friends and a handful of family members. I divide my time with them and make sure I nurture our relationships. They strengthen me, they lighten my load in life. They give me hope. They fill my tank .
Slice six and seven: Myself
I am for the most part , an introvert and I require- not just want, require alone time to be re-charged. This is not a bad thing , and it’s something that had I realized and nurtured a long time ago , might have saved a couple of marriages that I failed at. Walks, Reading, writing, decorating, cleaning, road trips, ice cream, hot bubble baths, days of laying on the couch watching my favorite movies, listening to music, organizing my house. Whatever it is that feeds MY soul and nobody else’s. These slices are mine to savor.
I will be blunt – this last piece is cut in half and given to two people in my life right now. My ex husband and my daughter. Both relationships are in turmoil . I need to figure out if I should walk away and let them be, or nurture them in another capacity. I don’t have the answers for these two, and I won’t let them have this piece of the pie forever. I will figure it out and move them out of the pie in one way or another when I need to fill them up with other pieces. Maybe they eventually be placed in with the slices I reserve for my friends, or maybe they will just be removed from the pie all together .
There was a time when these two people consisted of half of my pie and took away from all the other slices , I don’t allow that anymore. That is my choice, I get to give the slices to who I want.
It’s your life. Make it the best, mouth-watering, exploding with goodness life you can. This is it. Stop wasting all the good ingredients on the ones that don’t fit.
Stop trying to put Pumpkin filling into your cherry pie, you only end up with a gooey, runny mess that is worth nothing but a toss in the garbage in the end. If the ingredients don’t work, get rid of them.