I remember the days my heart physically hurt, when I thought I could no longer go on. I remember thinking , I never want to love again because I could not survive this pain again.
But the truth is , I loved all the way through it, and even while love was breaking my heart, it was healing it also.
When my last marriage failed that was it for me, I wanted nothing to do with love again. I was so ready to swear off love forever and pour concrete in my heart, let it turn to stone. I was convinced I would never need it again.
And now years later I wake up and the light is back on, the clouds are white and fluffy instead of dark and ominous , at the end of the road I see a light calling for me to keep going around the next corner and the next. No longer do I reach the end of the road and see the dead-end sign.
I have these conversations with myself now, I think I want to love again, hopefully someday I will have the chance ….and then I stop myself and think, ” what the hell are you talking about.” You have loved and been loved through this entire process.
It’s like your walking along and you walk right past a diamond ring on the ground, you don’t even see it, and years later someone who was walking behind you shows it to you, they tell you they picked it up after you walked right past it, and you think to yourself…Damn, how did I miss something so beautiful when it was right in front of my face.
Now, I look back and I see all these beautiful things that happened to me in moments that were so dark I didn’t notice them really.
All those beautiful things, are the people, my friends and family that picked me up off the ground, brushed me off, put their arm around me and walked with me until I found the light again. The people who told me over and over again that I was worthy and beautiful. The people that supported me in more ways than I can mention. The ones that laughed with me and cried with me, the ones that never told me to shut up when I talked about the same thing over and over again, until one day I had finally purged it from my soul.
Do you have any idea what you did for me? Imagine each time you gave me something I needed in the moment, you placed a flower in a jar.
At first I didn’t notice the jar, each time I walked past it I only saw an empty jar…
Until one day I noticed it was spilling over with vibrant, beautiful flowers. My “jar” had runneth over.
I thought Love had torn me apart, but the truth is, Love had put me back together.
Thank you friends, I will carry these flowers with me for the rest of my days.