The Haunting

I don’t know what it is…..

The fact that it’s been four years for me and I haven’t been able to move on and find someone else?

OR

The fact that you seem to move from woman to woman so seamlessly, as if to brush a fly off your shirt sleeve and welcome the next as she lands there .

OR

The fact that I have spent nights in agony over the death of our marriage and our love, and I bet you haven’t felt more than an uncomfortable sting from time to time in your heart and then poured alcohol over it , first just enough to ease the pain,  then adding another dose to numb it completely.

OR

The fact that you want to be my friend and I can’t quite put my finger on why.  My gut tells me it’s to torture me of my decision to leave for as long as you possibly can,  it’s as if you drop the moon in front of me just long enough for my eyes to adjust and then you throw a blanket over it , making the night sky black and impossible for me to move about freely again.

OR

The fact that every time I start to hear the  music again and want to dance…you tip toe up behind me and sweep your leg under mine…I stumble and sway and eventually fall…then I need to make the decision to stand and start the waltz again, or try to graciously exit center stage.

OR

That I was right all along, that your love is elusive and has never been truly given to anyone, least me..thus the reason I eventually left.   That there is something hidden just beneath your surface that makes it impossible for you to love, that your hiding from yourself…. and the one way to never be seen,  is to always hide behind someone else.

I don’t know what is – but it all haunts me just the same.

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4 thoughts on “The Haunting

  1. There is so much pain here. I am sorry for the way you have been hurt and are continuing to be hurt. It is the better path to accept the difficult emotions and work through them. Clearly, you are a more empathetic, kind, wholehearted person because you can experience these feelings. And yet that doesn’t make it any easier or take any of the edge away. Sending you kind thoughts. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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