DA PLANE, DA PLANE

I am leaving for Texas tomorrow, I was supposed to be leaving Minnesota with one of my cousin’s to meet up with yet another cousin in Texas to spend five days together doing what we do best…being cousin’s of course.

Yesterday the one cousin I am supposed to be flying out there with had something come up  and now it looks like I might be traveling alone tomorrow.  No big deal right?

EXCEPT for the fact that I have never flown on a plane by myself , and that is for very good reason.

I don’t trust myself

I have traveled alone by car, by bus, even by train – but never ever by plane.

I thought about just bowing out of the entire trip , but apparently – according to my Texan cousin, this is the perfect time to” face my fears head on”…the only way to conquer your fear is to work through it…..BLAH BLAH BLAH… That is why I am writing this now, you know in case I don’t make it.

I believe in signs the universe gives you, that is right- that is what I said.  In fact on the day I was getting married for the second time ( apparently I missed the sign after the first failed one)- anyway, back to that day- we got married in the park , overlooking the river with all our friends and family there and we had picked out a song to play- when just before the ceremony was to begin the speakers stopped working, really I didn’t think anything of it, but apparently my belief in signs was not lost on my soon to be husband, who had a look on his face like he just peered over the bluff to see a Tsunami coming at him and yelled ” SOMEONE GO FIX THOSE SPEAKERS OR SHE WILL THINK IT’S A SIGN AND CALL THE WEDDING OFF.”

So, now the issue of this trip is to figure out the signs, because when shit like this happens my brain is like a cat who just had WAY too much catnip.   And it works something like this.

Is this happening because :

WORST CASE SCENARIO

  • The plane is going to crash and my cousin is meant to  be the survivor that has the story to tell all her life how she ” almost” got on that plane, had it not been for ” that thing that came up” , and her cousin almost didn’t go either, but sadly at the last-minute decided to face her fears and go it alone.
  • the plane

BEST CASE SCENARIO

    • I am supposed to connect one on one with my cousin in Texas –  it is just supposed to be the two of us this weekend.  And I am supposed to  conquer my fear of flying solo, perhaps the seat that was supposed to be my cousin’s will be booked at the very last-minute by the man of my dreams, my soul mate, and I will be writing my blog five days from now in a chapel in Vegas singing here comes the bride.

elvis wedding

And then my brain says…either outcome has to start with you actually getting to the airport in time, which involves:  Finding your way to airport parking , remembering to actually grab your luggage out of the car when you get there, finding the shuttle to get you to the airport…which freaking airport am I going to?  Once I get to the airport – I have to smuggle some Minnesota leaves in my purse ( which is a whole different story) through security, find what gate I am supposed to make it to ( remember they have numbers in them , which is related to math and when math enters my brain it is met with the following message &&*%%#@@%*(*$$, which translates to RUN, GET OUT, THIS IS WAY TO COMPLEX FOR YOU, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?).

My cousin says ” Just take a Xanax”…like , awww, you have a headache?  Take an advil- it will all be okay.  Okay, I will take a Xanax, but then what?  I already fall asleep on planes as it is about 10 minutes after take off, if I add a Xanax there is no telling what I will sleep through….and then WHAT IF

  • The stewardess never see’s me slumped over, with drool hanging down my lip , mumbling from that seat in the back, or she does and she doesn’t dare wake up the escaped lunatic and she leaves me there.  I can sleep for hours on those pills, I could end up in London by mistake and while I do like their Mascara,  I am sure I could never find my way around that city- seriously look at this:
  • londonIs that a freaking FERRIS WHEEL over water?  Those people are nuts.

Even if I make it all the way to Texas , I am sure I will have jet lag ( Hello, I have just been to London and back in a matter of 15 minutes in my head).    But my cousin promised she would come find me at the gate, and she would bring a wheelchair I love her, which is why in return I promised to steal my Mother’s handicapped sticker from her car when I go over there tonight …to say my Goodbye’s and to  bring it with me so she could at least get front row parking for the rest of the weekend.

I will send a postcard from wherever the hell I end up this weekend, don’t be surprised if it’s from the parking garage in Minneapolis …wait, do they EVEN have a gift shop there?  Never mind.

Hopefully all will go well and you will be getting something like this from me in a few days

postcard

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4 thoughts on “DA PLANE, DA PLANE

  1. Remind me to tell you of my solo flights when you get back……I dont think it would be wise to tell you before ya go….LOL…I love you, you got tis like a boss! XO

    Liked by 1 person

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