I am heading in to my third year after divorce.
I have done my share of soul-searching, taken a long hard look at myself and the role I play in the inability of keeping a long-term relationship.
One of the things I have turned up under foot is that I tend to want to rescue men, that is I pick men that have emotional issues or scars and deep ones. I have said and been told numerous times in this healing process that I will no longer be attracted to or allowed to get in to relationships with men that need to be rescued.
Such a bold statement, Me digging my feet in to the ground and demanding this change in myself and any men I come in contact with in the future, but I have done it, for two years since I have started dating I have turned away from, walked away from, snubbed the men I have dated that I felt needed rescue.
And here I am alone.
Perhaps I need to think about this differently, put my own guard down and question why I pick people like this.. people just like me.
I have come to this realization
We all need and want to be rescued, on some level we are all just bigger shells of our inner child wanting to be loved and accepted , wanting to find the right person to place our hearts in their hands and have it protected , treated with respect, watched over.
I don’t necessarily want to rescue anyone, I want to love someone, and if that rescues them – so be it.
Isn’t that part of loving at our age , picking up the pieces of someone’s shattered past and slowly , meticulously trying to mend them, make them feel safe again, make them feel free to be exactly who they are and to know someone has their back and likes them just the way they are.
It is after all exactly what I want also, to be open to the hope that I am worthy of love again. That someone will move softly around my scars, not until they are healed, but until they are a faint shade of what they used to be, barely noticed anymore.
If that is being rescued then I am no longer fighting the urge to survive alone in the middle of the sea- I am throwing out the SOS and I won’t swim away from those that have tossed out their rescue flares, I will swim towards them with hope and vulnerability.
How about we take the shame out of finding a softer place to land and embrace the rescue.