Everything you need to know about me can be summed up in my High School transcripts


I have been thinking recently about going back to school, I don’t know why since I generally sucked at it when I went before, but I am older and ” wiser” now right? Right.

So I started by requesting my high school transcripts.  I don’t even know if this is how to start this process, but it sounded like the right thing to do and well, I was bored at work so I did it.  That was yesterday, today I got this little email that said “High school transcripts attached”.   I don’t know why I was so excited to see it, maybe it was the proof I needed that I really did in fact get my diploma, because those were some hazy days and well frankly I am still not sure I received it.  There was talk about how I could walk down the aisle with my other classmates and I  would get it after I finished summer school , there was also that talk I had with the principal when he told me to just show up for classes and they would pass me because well, frankly , nobody wanted my smart ass self in their classes again next year.

So here is what I discovered from such Transcript.

1- I sucked at Math: I was on average a D student, Now anyone who knows me knows this is still true.   There was that time with my ex husband shortly after we met and we went to a cabin together and it did nothing but rain and we had to think up something fun to do, so at 9 am , under the cover of the porch we poured ourselves some Captain Morgan and Orange juice ( we were out of pop and only had OJ, if you have never tried it, you should- right now, before you finish this story)…anyway we started a day long Yahtzee game.   I WON every game, every single one, I was like the rock star of Yahtzee, until I got up to make the next drinks and the man checked the scores.    When I came back out to continue our game my soon to be husband looked at me square in the eye and said ” You suck at math don’t you?”     I stuttered for a minute and asked why he would say such a thing.    He quickly pointed out that he had re-checked all the scores from our game and I had added ALL my games incorrectly, that is right ALL OF THEM.    I handed over my Yahtzee crown and any last hope that I had gotten better at math over the years.

2- History and I don’t get along: I got all F’s, how do I feel this is still relevant to the me today?  Simple:  History has to do with memory and I don’t have one.  No wonder why I got all F’s, I couldn’t remember what the hell I had for breakfast that morning but I was supposed to remember what year Hitler invaded Poland?

3- I can talk ALOT:  One of my highest grades on this card is in Oral Communication that is right I got a B- in that class , and I have been talking my way out of , in to or around everything ever since.

4-I am below average in taking care of myself health wise: Evident even back then with my D and D- in Phy Ed and Health.  Probably exasperated by the fact that I spent most of my school days in the smoking lounge and after school drinking too much alcohol.

5-I am not good with money :  Economics F and D, no you may not look in my checkbook right now.( Now please refer back to number 1).

6- Don’t ask me to change your tire, I failed car care:  Now, in my defense some schmuck back then told me it was the ” easiest” credit I would ever get, so I took it: What that schmuck failed to tell me is that you have to really work on cars to pass, one of the passing requirements of that class was to successfully change a tire, which I refused to do because I had my favorite outfit on that day and there was no way I was going to ruin it ( please insert head toss and finger flipping through your hair now)  It was honestly about two years ago when I finally figured out how to even “check” the air in my tires .

7- My children need to read this:  I got a passing grade in Child Development – I don’t care what my kids  say, I now have it in writing.  I got a C in preparing for adult living , so if they were expecting anything other than ordinary from me when I was raising them  they were going to be let down, and  they were.

8-I got a C- in housing and interior design:  Hey now wait a minute- sometimes when I post pictures of my house on Facebook people tell me I should have gone in to Interior Design, so I am calling for a re-grade  on that one, they said it on the Internet so it must be true.

9-I got a B in Mixed Choir, hmmm I don’t get that one:  I am not that good at Karaoke , except for when I am drunk, then I totally sound like Barbara Streisand .   Wait, it was mixed Choir, meaning boys were in the class , I bet me talking to them about where the party was tonight looked like I was singing and engaging in the class, when truth be told I was trying to get drunk and make out with someone.   I get it now.

10- I got a C- in creative writing :  I hope you enjoyed this blog, it’s probably the last one I will ever write since I am below average in it.   And to think I requested this transcript so I could go back to school for writing , well so much for that dream.

****Side note, after I received this email from someone I have never met from my high school today, I did what I do best….Oh my god, don’t you people listen?  Head back up to number 3 and if I have to tell you again your all serving time in study hall later.

breakfast club

I talked – I sent her back an email and told her the story about my failing grade in Car Care, I had to :  I don’t know why at 48 I suddenly feel stupid for failing the “easiest credit ever”.    Anyway, she wrote me this back: “Funny! Have a great day! P.S. As a 50 year old, I love your feathered hair from the 80’s.”

I don’t give a shit what kind of grades I got in high school if some 30 years later I got a compliment on my hair, it was worth all the time I spent in that hell hole.

senior picture



One thought on “Everything you need to know about me can be summed up in my High School transcripts

  1. Ah…my classmate. Yes, I too am an ’84-er (from a different part of the country). I have sophomore year grades on par with yours, but it is was only due to me being more interested in socializing and having fun rather than doing the work. I could manage to absorb the content of the the class, take a quiz or test and score a C or better. Sometimes, I could test and score As, finishing the class with C grade (not turning in assignments has a way of keeping grades low despite nearly acing tests.

    Nice hair, btw. I loved that look back in those days!

    Liked by 1 person

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