I have been thinking recently about going back to school, I don’t know why since I generally sucked at it when I went before, but I am older and ” wiser” now right? Right.
So I started by requesting my high school transcripts. I don’t even know if this is how to start this process, but it sounded like the right thing to do and well, I was bored at work so I did it. That was yesterday, today I got this little email that said “High school transcripts attached”. I don’t know why I was so excited to see it, maybe it was the proof I needed that I really did in fact get my diploma, because those were some hazy days and well frankly I am still not sure I received it. There was talk about how I could walk down the aisle with my other classmates and I would get it after I finished summer school , there was also that talk I had with the principal when he told me to just show up for classes and they would pass me because well, frankly , nobody wanted my smart ass self in their classes again next year.
So here is what I discovered from such Transcript.
1- I sucked at Math: I was on average a D student, Now anyone who knows me knows this is still true. There was that time with my ex husband shortly after we met and we went to a cabin together and it did nothing but rain and we had to think up something fun to do, so at 9 am , under the cover of the porch we poured ourselves some Captain Morgan and Orange juice ( we were out of pop and only had OJ, if you have never tried it, you should- right now, before you finish this story)…anyway we started a day long Yahtzee game. I WON every game, every single one, I was like the rock star of Yahtzee, until I got up to make the next drinks and the man checked the scores. When I came back out to continue our game my soon to be husband looked at me square in the eye and said ” You suck at math don’t you?” I stuttered for a minute and asked why he would say such a thing. He quickly pointed out that he had re-checked all the scores from our game and I had added ALL my games incorrectly, that is right ALL OF THEM. I handed over my Yahtzee crown and any last hope that I had gotten better at math over the years.
2- History and I don’t get along: I got all F’s, how do I feel this is still relevant to the me today? Simple: History has to do with memory and I don’t have one. No wonder why I got all F’s, I couldn’t remember what the hell I had for breakfast that morning but I was supposed to remember what year Hitler invaded Poland?
3- I can talk ALOT: One of my highest grades on this card is in Oral Communication that is right I got a B- in that class , and I have been talking my way out of , in to or around everything ever since.
4-I am below average in taking care of myself health wise: Evident even back then with my D and D- in Phy Ed and Health. Probably exasperated by the fact that I spent most of my school days in the smoking lounge and after school drinking too much alcohol.
5-I am not good with money : Economics F and D, no you may not look in my checkbook right now.( Now please refer back to number 1).
6- Don’t ask me to change your tire, I failed car care: Now, in my defense some schmuck back then told me it was the ” easiest” credit I would ever get, so I took it: What that schmuck failed to tell me is that you have to really work on cars to pass, one of the passing requirements of that class was to successfully change a tire, which I refused to do because I had my favorite outfit on that day and there was no way I was going to ruin it ( please insert head toss and finger flipping through your hair now) It was honestly about two years ago when I finally figured out how to even “check” the air in my tires .
7- My children need to read this: I got a passing grade in Child Development – I don’t care what my kids say, I now have it in writing. I got a C in preparing for adult living , so if they were expecting anything other than ordinary from me when I was raising them they were going to be let down, and they were.
8-I got a C- in housing and interior design: Hey now wait a minute- sometimes when I post pictures of my house on Facebook people tell me I should have gone in to Interior Design, so I am calling for a re-grade on that one, they said it on the Internet so it must be true.
9-I got a B in Mixed Choir, hmmm I don’t get that one: I am not that good at Karaoke , except for when I am drunk, then I totally sound like Barbara Streisand . Wait, it was mixed Choir, meaning boys were in the class , I bet me talking to them about where the party was tonight looked like I was singing and engaging in the class, when truth be told I was trying to get drunk and make out with someone. I get it now.
10- I got a C- in creative writing : I hope you enjoyed this blog, it’s probably the last one I will ever write since I am below average in it. And to think I requested this transcript so I could go back to school for writing , well so much for that dream.
****Side note, after I received this email from someone I have never met from my high school today, I did what I do best….Oh my god, don’t you people listen? Head back up to number 3 and if I have to tell you again your all serving time in study hall later.
I talked – I sent her back an email and told her the story about my failing grade in Car Care, I had to : I don’t know why at 48 I suddenly feel stupid for failing the “easiest credit ever”. Anyway, she wrote me this back: “Funny! Have a great day! P.S. As a 50 year old, I love your feathered hair from the 80’s.”
I don’t give a shit what kind of grades I got in high school if some 30 years later I got a compliment on my hair, it was worth all the time I spent in that hell hole.