Dating or entertainment

DATES

A friend of mine recently asked me if I had gone out on any dates lately, when I said no this is what she said:

” You will, your addicted when you lack entertainment in your life.”

Is that what you think?   Do you think I date for entertainment?  Your wrong, I watch True Detective for entertainment, I hang out with my friends for entertainment, Dating is nowhere on my scale of entertainment.  It is hard work and wasted energy for the most part and at this stage in my life I would rather use the energy and the precious time I have left for more important things for example: Eating an entire Dairy Queen blizzard  in under five minutes- now that takes energy.  Plucking my eyebrows, watching an entire season of True detective in one day on the couch, not showering.  Rearranging my bedroom- three times.   Making an origami owl, watching it’s a beautiful life in french and then googling the translation in to English.

For all my really lucky and blessed readers and friends who are married or in a relationship with someone and have been for a long time here is a reminder of what dating entails:

1.  You scan the dating sites, Plenty of Fish, E Harmony, Match:  Hell I even hear there is one out there now called 7 or better- true story; you want to know what it is about go check it out.    You get to scan thousands and thousands of pictures in the hope that you might, over a computer screen find something attractive about a person you have never met.

2. When your eye does fall on someone you find even slightly attractive you get to start the risk of being rejected right away, or finding the next Ted Bundy, neither outcome is a good one; you send them a message or a flirt, or a wink- depending on whatever damn site you might be on.

3. If your lucky they acknowledge your interest by replying to you right?  Don’t get so ahead of yourself, now the fun begins, when they do reply to you , you start to eliminate such matches quickly.  Why?

* They come at you like the original cave man, they want to hit you over the head with their club , throw you over their shoulder and drag you back to their cave.   DELETE

*   Or they write back: ” HEY” : Seriously where am I supposed to go with that?  I am not 13 and we didn’t just bump into each other in the hallway in Junior high, you cannot start a relationship or a conversation for that matter at our age with ” HEY”.  DELETE

* Occasionally after they have read your profile that clearly states if you use drugs or are an alcoholic don’t contact me you get replies like this; ” Hey, I know you said if I use drugs not to contact you, but I only smoke pot- that’s not like a hard drug or anything and I think you and I would really connect, take a chance,”  DELETE

Now, let’s say out of thousands of people to choose from you actually make a connection of some sort with someone and you start to chat, and then you meet.   75% of the people you meet face to face that you ” connected” with via email or over the phone, you have NO connection with in person, so now you get to spend the next two hours of this painful date waiting for it to be over and trying to think of a somewhat nice and respectable thing to say when you do leave, when the entire time you are thinking the same thing- DELETE.

Now the date is over: You get in your car, sigh a huge sigh of relief “that date is over”- you go home scrub your make-up off put on your shorts and your  beat up T-shirt you have had for 7 years, grab a brownie and sit down on the couch and vow to never do that again.

Dating in your 40’s and soon to be 50’s is not entertaining, fun, enjoyable- it’s like interviewing on steroids and I don’t know very many people who can’t wait to go on their next interview.  Don’t even get me started on the pool of people who are out there to choose from ( yes, I realize I am part of that pool)- You remember the scene in Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer where the dentist lands in the room of unwanted toys? You got it: we are all just old worn down, used up toys that used to be bright and shiny and made you light up when you saw us in a room.   Now you can only hope if you twirl our handle again and again the jack will still pop out of the box.  ( Insert a sexual innuendo there if you’d like but remember you’re the one with the dirty mind not me. )   We are all wounded soldiers on the field , our backpacks filled with sticks and stones that did break our bones and did really hurt us.

misfittoys-600x400

You may ask yourself then why if it’s not ” entertaining” do I keep on doing it?  Well for one, I am a slow learner: true story. Or maybe I do it for the same reason my first grade teacher tied my left hand behind my back in order to make me write with my RIGHT hand, she hoped the longer she did it the more success she would have and one day we would look back on the madness of it and she would get the result she wanted out of it….  That never did stick, and I am still left-handed, however I do bat right-handed.    SO YOU SEE….

It’s all about hope , hope that there is still someone out there I can grow “older” with.      Hope there is someone out there that will listen to me and get to know me and not think that I am bat shit crazy, or maybe he will but he will still grow fond of me and want to hold my hand while we take a walk or cuddle up next to me and watch An Officer and a Gentlemen with me if I promise to watch Sunday Football with him.        Hope that we connect and we become a couple and  we both remember this ” entertaining ” part of our lives when we had to go on a 100 dates to meet each other ,and we will be Thankful that we don’t have to do it anymore.   That we can both come home and wash the day off of us, put on our torn and tattered T-shirts and know there is no place else we would rather be.

HOPE my friends, that is why I date- Entertainment has nothing to do with it.

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3 thoughts on “Dating or entertainment

  1. If you think there are “issues” dating at your age, wait until you hit about 58. After 30 years of a wonderful marriage, I was widowed at 63 in late 2014. I began dating about 2 months ago. The demographics after 60 are very tilted in favor of men. Most women are divorced and I’ve heard so many horror stories. So, when a “good” man in that age bracket appears…

    Example: a woman friend invited me to a Parrothead party about two weeks ago. After I accept, she mentions a friend of hers who is 61 , will also be there. Her friend is a good dancer from attending a “meetup” group (in all large cities..meetup.com) for dancing. I had mentioned possibly joining this group, which does charge $7 for an hour session but these are trained instructors.

    At party, my friend goes to bathroom for what seemed a long time. (now I see possibly this was set up.) So I began chatting with her friend. She mentions our friend told her I was thinking about the dance group. I said yes, I was thinking about it. So she says that if I join and need a partner, she’d be my partner. And she already knows how to dance! She also made clear that she doesn’t go out much…
    Even someone who cannot read signals well can understand what is being “said” here… (And she is reasonably attractive…looks maybe in mid-50s.)

    Although I prefer “live” meetings, many *women* said I need to check out online. So I decided to see what’s there. Yes, there’s wackos that are easily flushed out before even meeting. But after revising my profile to tone down my “travel” focus, every woman over 60 I’ve contacted (4) has or wants to meet me. And I consider myself “average” looking.

    I had thought that being a widower would send women running because they don’t want to compete with a “dead saint.” Now I think they believe that since I was married 30 years I know how to make a marriage work and that I have less “issues” than a divorced man.

    And, a woman friend of mine says I am attuned to women, personable, make people laugh, and in good shape for my age. Apparently, women in that age group are looking for that, not so much the hormones as you note. So I have a much better social life than when I was in 30s. I also am very accepting of most physical appearances. if I do not find a woman downright unattractive, I’ll talk to anyone to see what compatibility there may be. And *that* has been the issue for me. Divorce has left them skittish.

    One divorced woman told me she thought being widowed is better than divorced, which shocked and upset me at first. Now, I understand where she’s coming from, even if I disagree. Only widowed people understand what we have been through and I give a lot of leeway to a widow that I do not to others. Just like combat veterans, widowed people have a deep bond of grief that cannot be understood by non-widowed. Only another widowed person can be with us in that abyss.

    If you ever date a widower, read a book on this form of grief, or you will likely inadvertently say or do something which worsens grief.

    Liked by 1 person

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